


You feel your heart taking root (in your body)

by take_me_out_baby



Series: RWRB Fics! [1]
Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Especially for me, Gen, M/M, Sweet, because mah baby boi deserves a fic dedicated to him, but not really fluff lmao, introspective, this is kinda an out of the box fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28982778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/take_me_out_baby/pseuds/take_me_out_baby
Summary: Henry has an insomnia episode and just,,, ruminates on his life up to the present ig? lmao i suck at summariesThank you to the wonderful zuzu from the rwrb discord for being an amazing beta!Title from "You are Jeff" by Richard Siken
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, Arthur Fox & Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, Beatrice Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor & Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, Catherine Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor & Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, but they are important to henry throughout the fic, kinda but not really??, most of these relationships don't have any physical moments in the fic
Series: RWRB Fics! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125992
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	You feel your heart taking root (in your body)

It's 3 AM and Henry is, unfortunately, not asleep. It still happens sometimes, when his thoughts are so loud that it's like their shouting in their desperation to take over his mind. But, on nights like these his insomnia doesn’t particularly bother him, it just means he spends a lot of time alone with his thoughts, which is becoming less and less of a bad thing ever since he started sharing a bed with one Alexander Claremont-Diaz. 

It's been strange, to say the least, to finally have what he always wanted after spending his whole life thinking he would be trapped in the same routine, like a caged bird trapped in a beautiful, baroque-styled cage. Anyone else would have jumped at the chance to live the way he did, but he always felt like he was suffocating back in London, his whole life felt like he was being picked apart and poked at by everyone. There's still a lot of attention on his and Alex's relationship, but it's more bearable now, knowing that Alex is by his side, like a fellow soldier in a battle.

Henry decides it's better if he thinks about things like this somewhere else, so he goes to the bathroom first, looks at himself in the mirror. His sandy blonde hair is sticking out in all directions, Henry didn't put mousse in it today like he usually does because Alex always says he likes his hair when it looks more natural. So he's started putting less and less product in it . 

There's a lot of things, really, that he's started doing differently because of Alex's influence. He likes to think that they've both changed each other for the better. Henry thinks he's made Alex a more cautious person, someone who thinks a little more before he speaks, and someone who's a little more in tune to the fine details of things. 

And Alex, Alex has done more than words can describe for Henry. Alex has made Henry someone who's more outspoken about what he wants, someone who decides to do things for himself first every now and then. 

Someone who isn't afraid to ask for what he wants. 

He moves on to a small windowsill in the guest bedroom, they have one in their bedroom but he doesn't want to wake up Alex, who will definitely get up if he feels the gust of wind coming from New York, especially during this winter season when it's extremely cold. 

He looks out at the stars, thinks about how he and Alex got to this point, thinks about looking up at the night sky that New Year's Eve all those years ago, about mustering up the courage to finally kiss Alex then and there.

How he knew it was a spectacularly stupid idea and yet he always knew it was the right thing to do. 

He thinks about his dad, maybe he's looking up at him from above all those stars, Henry hopes his dad's feeling pride or something akin to it, looking down at his son living his own life on his own terms and making his love gain a place in history.

It hits him just then, at 3:30 in the morning, how similar his parents’ story is to his and Alex's. Henry and his mother both struggling against the crushing weight of the monarchy, but in the end still chose to love independent of the crown's wishes. 

His mother, running off with her own James Bond, and him, running off with his own First Son. 

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels the tears stain his pyjama top. For the first time in a while however, they’re not sad tears, but happy ones. He thinks about his parents, and how lucky he was to be loved by two amazing individuals, even if his dad isn’t with him anymore. 

He also thinks about his sister, and her own strength and resilience, how she picked herself up even in the hardest circumstances when all they had was each other. 

He absently reminds herself to call his mum and sister tomorrow and check to see how they’re doing, as much as he didn’t like his life back in Kensington his mum and Bea were always the bright spots whenever he was upset, they were just as much Henry’s protective guardians as Henry’s dad was. 

All in all, Henry can finally say he’s happy with his life for the first time in a long time, that for him, tomorrow will bring in something even better, and it won’t all be the same bleakness like it was for all those years. 

He’s been so used to keeping a major part of who he is a secret, and he’s been so used to putting on his armor to shield him from anyone possibly coming into his life, but Alexander ended that part of his life, and he’s grateful for it. Even if their emails were leaked to the world, he meant every word he said in them, and he hopes that somewhere out there, some other lost lonely soul is comforted and given hope by them. They’re not what he’s most proud of in life, and at the time when they were leaked it might have felt like they caused the end of the world, but in hindsight, part of him is happy that other people got to see him and Alex so open and vulnerable.

He decides to go back to bed, and tries his best to silently slide in bed, careful not to disturb his boyfriend who’s only started to fix his sleep schedule recently. He slides his hand under Alex’s curls, but does it oh so gently so that Alexander doesn’t notice. Alex’s hair is Henry’s favorite feature of his, they're a perfect embodiment of who Alex is, bold, unique. He’s almost like Henry’s exact opposite but they make it work everyday and Henry is forever thankful for that. 

He looks out at the stars once again, they’re visible from outside his bedroom window, and smiles. 

**Author's Note:**

> hey you! Yes, you! Do you want a totally chaotic yet amazing space full of queer people from all walks of life who bond over their love of one book? Then it sounds like RWRB: A Gray Area is the server for you! 
> 
> Here's the link if you wanna join (why wouldn't you lmao) : [RWRB: A Gray Area](https://discord.com/invite/JwardtVJRV/)
> 
> Comments and kudos would be nice since i constantly crave praise lmao.


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